Super Bowl Jetta Shuffle
Spellbinding VW ads dethrone Budweiser and Pepsi to steal Super Bowl XXXV spotlight
Not satisfied with its dominant market position among
young, upscale women, Volkswagen AG astounded the advertising
community with two dynamic TrixieMale-oriented Jetta commercials
aired during Sunday's beerfest. The two spots secured the top two
places in the Society's annual TrixieMeter Super Bowl Ad Poll, a
survey of trixies watching the game at Lucille's on Lincoln. Here
are their favorite ads from Super Bowl XXXV, with ratings and commentary:
1-Volkswagen "Wedding" (Rating: 10.0)
Scene: Taking a page straight out of "Four Weddings and a
Funeral," 
a
Jetta driver needs every one of his Jetta VR6's 172 horses to get
to his frat brother's wedding before it's too late. He explores
the outer limits of his Jetta's autobahn-tested handling, double-parks
in front of the church and runs in, sans tie, drawing the ire of
the bride and groom, who are about to exchange vows.
Why it's hot: Although the Jetta driver isn't nearly as
cute as Hugh Grant, he does have better teeth, and with his casual,
open-collar attire most TrixieMales would conclude that he is a
recent MBA working as an associate for a venture capitalist (an
insatiably desirable position to most T-Males).
Panelist Quote: "They say one dirty glance is worth a thousand
words. In this case, you can tell that the bride is pissed, and
the groom's dirty glance screams "Good thing you drive a Jetta VR6,
because if you were driving a slower Jeep Wrangler you would've
missed the ceremony altogether, and neither one of us would have
ever spoken to you again."
2 - Volkswagen "Bear"(Rating: 9.7)
Scene: Two disheveled men 
bizarrely
wander around an old-growth forest. A bear chases them back to their
green Jetta 1.8 Turbo, which the driver unlocks using his remote
control. Despite a prodigious amount of wheelspin, they escape from
the beast's clutches. Finally, the driver discovers that his dweeby
friend had instigated the ruckus by antagonizing a baby cub bear.
Why it's hot: The ad scored big points with our panelists
by subliminally undermining the classic TrixieMale myth that outdoor
adventuring requires a large, gas guzzling Sport Utility Vehicle.
Both Trixies and TrixieMales alike relish the daily visceral thrill
of evading the urban predators that stalk every double-parked Jetta--parking enforcement and the dreaded Lincoln Towing Service.
3 - Accenture (All four ads) (Rating: 9.6)
Scenes: None of us had ever heard of this internet start-up,
nor could we really figure out what they do, but rumor has it that
the company is based out of Chicago. The company spent big bucks
to air four commercials which seemed to position the company as
a cross between a bio-tech firm and a tele-presence technology startup
like Perceptual Robotics:
Why it's hot: Our panelists really liked Accenture's "Greater
Than (">")" symbol, an audacious logo which implies an absolute
air of superiority over other firms. Landing a promising bio-tech
company is a veritable coup for Mayor Daley, as most such companies
stay on the Coasts. All of our panelists appeared to expect great
things from Accenture.
Panelist Quote: "I imagine a future where Accenture will
have grown into a gargantuan company controlling hundreds of thousands
of eager young virtual reality consultants that clog so many O'Hare
terminals with their Targus laptop cases that the company is forced
to build a third regional airport to transport them to clients across
the universe. Its impact won't just be felt in Chicago, either--a
proposed St. Charles training center could supplant Goose Island
as the beer capital of the world!"
Did you wake up Monday morning with a hangover? Tell the Society about your Super Bowl party or bar adventure! Use the Ask Ashley area of the website to submit your stories and scandals!
