Members of the Lincoln Park Trixie Society continually strive to showcase their good taste and impeccable style, and hosting a party is the best way for a Trixie to demonstrate her class and character. There is a vast and confusing array of entertaining functions a Trixie can host-charity balls, celebrity auctions, and fundraisers, just to mention a few. So how does a Trixie decide which event is most advantageous to her social standing? Well, the Lincoln Park Trixie Society is dedicated to removing the tiring task of thought from the Trixie’s daily routine. Our Research and Marketing Department has dedicated countless focus groups to this topic in the past eighteen months. We have narrowed the choices down to the two kinds of parties for the Aspiring Trixie to host in her very own Lincoln Park Dream House:
A gathering for your husband/boyfriend’s bosses
A party that recreates a high school/college bash from the ebullient days of your carefree youth.
It is important to realize that each function represents an opposite end of the entertaining spectrum, and we provide this guide to help the average Trixie employ her talents most effectively in either scenario. We have divided each party into several important categories: Trixie Duties, Attire, Music, Food and Drink, Atmosphere, and General.
A Gathering for Your Boyfriend’s Boss
This function is an investment in your loved one’s career by demonstrating taste, elegance, and supreme sophistication…and, of course, you can show off your Lincoln Park dream home!
Atmosphere: Sophisticated and simple. Intimate and impressive. Exclusive and expensive.
Trixie Duties: Invite the Boss, his spouse, and no more than three couples to this gathering. Make sure the accessory couples you use are the most sophisticated people you know to ensure the greatest impact on the Boss. Use the following guide to judge the appropriateness of your guests: traders are preferable to dot-commers and investment bankers are preferable to creative-types (e.g., media consultants and designers). Dreamy, well-coiffed real-estate gurus such as Chaz Walters are preferable to just about anyone else. If those in your immediate circle are not up to the task of dazzling the elite, ask around. Word of mouth works wonders in our Trixie Village, and you’ll have little trouble finding attendees of the highest caliber. (If you continue to encounter difficulty, write Ashley Munroe care of the “Ask Ashley” page on this site. The Lincoln Park Trixie Society is always here to help you out!)
Now that we have covered the general duties, let’s focus specifically on you. You must become Perfection Incarnate. Charm and bedazzle your boyfriend’s boss as a flawless pillar of élan, charisma, and sparkle!
1. Show off your extensive knowledge of Literature-you’ve read both Bridget Jones’ Diary and The Pelican Brief, after all. Let the Boss know it!
2. Demonstrate your understanding of world matters. Watching Dateline or The View for a day or two prior to the party should really bring you up to speed.
3. Showcase your political savvy. A quick spin through the editorial pages of the Chicago Tribune’s Web site should get your pundit juices flowing. (A tip: when it comes to politics, just remember that all smart young people vote Republican.)
4. Discuss art. You were just at the Old Town Art Fair last summer, and you saw that Renoir show at the Art Institute back in ’97. Let the Boss know that, and be prepared to discuss the pretty colors of Impressionist works while showing him the Monet Water Lily umbrella your boyfriend got you for Easter last year.
Just remember, if you take a few simple steps to present yourself as a well-rounded individual, your boyfriend is bound to get ahead!
Attire: This is a dicey choice. Question your boyfriend about his boss’s personality.
1. If the Boss is conservative, you’re safe with the Formal Trixie pose. The Ann Taylor blouse and pants, along with the tasteful diamond-studded accessories that your boyfriend has purchased for you over the weeks you’ve been together, will let the Boss know just how elegant you really are.
2. If the Boss is a little more open minded, you should wow him with your Super Sexy Trixie persona and wear the leather pants that are so fashionable this season. If you cannot discern the mien of the Boss, the Formal Trixie is the safest.
3. Under no circumstances do we recommend you attempt the Casual Trixie approach to the Boss’s Gathering. Undoubtedly, you can be just as stunning and charismatic in your Gap sweater and DKNY jeans, but this IS an executive you’re courting here, so decorum is a necessity.
Food/Drink: In addition to complementing your wardrobe, the meal and accompanying drinks should display your boyfriend’s good taste and guarantee his right to a promotion. You have two choices for this culinary extravaganza: you can opt to purchase expensive prepared foods from various retailers (the preferred method), or you can prepare the meal yourself.
1. If you’re feeling particularly lazy (but really want to wow the Boss), you should visit Charlie Trotter’s To Go over on Fullerton.
2. If you choose to prepare the meal yourself, you must use all of the resources available to a Trixie. The raw materials for your fabulous evening of networking can be found at the Mecca of retail, the North/Clybourn shopping corridor. You can purchase the choicest cuts of meat, the freshest seafood, and the most succulent organic fruits and vegetables at Whole Foods. To let the Boss know have refined tastes, make sure you use at least two of the following items: wasabi, white asparagus, Chilean sea bass, dandelion greens, goat cheese, ostrich, or dill sauce. Judicious use of these “now” items will certainly impress the boss!
Also, make sure to zip over to Sam’s Wines & Spirits. At Sam’s, you can purchase all of the fines wines, spirits, and gourmet touches that will make your party sing. Consult the local champagne wizard, Charles Stanfield, for the best bubbly or Chris Blumer for the finest California wines. (Remember: You can ignore the advice of the wine staff at Sam’s when they suggest a wine priced below what you would consider the “swill” line. Expense equals quality and you demand the very best!) Don’t forget to visit Marcey Street Market in the back corner, where Marko Mihajlovich loves to help out aspiring Trixie hostesses with pairings of wine and cheese. Whether it’s durrus matched with peach schnapps, the daring courtship of manchego and Tab, or the classic marriage of prosciutto and a snifter of warm cream, Marcey Street Market’s resident foodie Marko will introduce you to the buttery mouthfeels and beefy overtones that will charm your lover in to a higher tax bracket.
Music: Nothing says urban sophistication like jazz. Try the light jazz station WNUA for calming yet intelligent musical wallpaper. If you’re feeling more experimental, you might purchase albums by stellar adult contemporary jazz artists like Najee, Four Play, or the Rippingtons. Be warned, however: this music is really “out there” and might be too much for the cool disposition of the party.
General: Remember to enjoy the meal yourself; you have spent quite enough time arranging it. Also, enjoy a cocktail or a glass or two of expensive cabernet, but DO NOT under any circumstances DRINK TOO MUCH DURING THIS GATHERING! We cannot stress this enough. Save that excessive alcohol consumption for our next function.
The College Bash
A College Bash is a seemingly unstructured, organic happening that provides a great opportunity to relax after a long week of billable hours. This casual party is the simplest function a Trixie can host and, consequently, requires far less deliberate planning. Similar to the mythical Perpetual Motion Machine, this soiree, once it gets started, continues to roll forward and gain greater speed with little need of outside intervention.
Atmosphere: Casual! Casual! Casual!
Trixie Duties: Invite all of your old college friends, and make sure to tell them to invite their old college friends who also attended major midwestern universities.
1. Throughout your College Bash, you should be prepared to answer the door with hugs and airkisses for your guests.
2. Make sure Gold Crown liquors delivers fresh kegs as the previous ones are drained.
3. Be prepared to make out in the bathroom with that dreamy Alex Novak from Marketing. (You’ve been waiting for eight months to get your hands on those taut rugby-toned buns!)
4. Also, be prepared to clean up someone’s vomit that just missed the toilet by a couple of rooms.
5. Keep your new digital camera ready for those classic party photos-a band of randy young TrixieMales embracing and flipping the camera off in a display of male camaraderie; you and your “best friends” Jami, Dina, and Macy doing lemondrop shots.
6. Finally, around 3:30 a.m., be prepared to have a red-faced, crying fit to get people out of your house because you’re tired and single and just want to go to bed (alone) before the sun comes up.
Attire: You’ve done business formal all week! Go crazy! From L.L. Bean to J. Crew, anything goes at a College Bash. However, a good hostess will hand out complimentary baseball caps for those who forgot to bring their own.
Food and Drink: Again, keep it casual. Binge drinking is the main course at a College Bash, so the Trixie Hostess need provide little in the way of nourishment. It’s simple.
1. For the TrixieMales, set out bowls of chips and salsa, or, if you’re feeling generous, you can order a bucket of hot wings from BW3.
2. For the your fellow Trixies, a simple (all organic of course) veggie platter with fat-free ranch dip.
3. As for the libations, order at least one keg of beer and clear the fridge for the Chads who will bring six packs of their favorite Goose Island brew.
4. Buy Kettle One and Bombay Sapphire in large half-gallon bottles, and have the appropriate mixes-cranberry, tonic, Red Bull, etc.
5. Provide Cuervo and chilled Jaegermeister for those Lincoln Parkers who really know that doing shots it the only way to party. 6. Again, refer to Trixie Duties above when someone vomits (see Trixie Duties.)
Music: Start the evening playing something now but very hip: Beck, perhaps, or even Moby if you’re feeling progressive…something to set the mood. As the evening progresses, the musical tastes will begin regressing. First will come Dave Matthews, then Stone Temple Pilots, then Blues Traveler, Van Halen, and Led Zeppelin. Eventually, around 1 a.m. and just before the alcohol poisoning sets in, be prepared to endure a sing-along to Steve Miller’s “Joker” as the Chads relive their high school senior-year Homecoming Bash. Party on, TrixieMales!
General: A warning: to avoid lawsuits and televised exposure (the bad, criminal kind, not the good my-boyfriend’s-dot-com-just-went-public kind), you should check the permitted capacity of your deck before sending invitations. Believe us, from personal experience, you don’t want that deck to collapse, spilling Trixies and Chads onto the roofs of the Range Rovers parked below. Just imagine the moans of dozens of smart, together, career-minded people pinned under shattered timbers and half-empty pony kegs of Sam Adams. And, let us assure you, the news media WILL sweep in with their cameras and klieg lights, and it’s really really embarrassing when Walter Jacobson talks about the number of people hospitalized at your party.
The Lincoln Park Trixie Society hopes this Party Planning Guide helps you achieve the popularity and increased social standing you so richly deserve. Just remember, all of your friends and contemporaries are judging your every movement with scathingly surgical precision, so don’t fail!
Now…just relax and have fun! See you at 8!
