Dope
Excellent, impressive, or very cool.
“Your kitchen is dope.” This is a compliment. If he means the marble, you may explain that it’s quartzite. People do confuse them.
One of our younger members recently told me I had “aura.” We were waiting for our coats, and I had just persuaded everyone to come back to Lincoln Park for dinner. Apparently it was a compliment. I was pleased, although I would have liked to know which part she meant.
Several members have since asked for a guide. There is no reason to miss a compliment, or agree to something, simply because the vocabulary has changed.
01Appearances
Boujee
Fancy, luxurious, or fond of expensive things. It can be admiration or a little teasing.
A guest called the sparkling water in her room boujee. I asked whether she would prefer still.
Basic
Predictable or unoriginal in your tastes; liking what everybody else likes. Usually teasing or dismissive.
Someone called my Starbucks order basic. It has six modifications. I would appreciate a little specificity.
Aura
The effortless confidence or presence that makes someone seem impressive. “Aura points” are imaginary points gained for looking cool or lost through embarrassment.
Walking into a room and knowing where to go helps. Walking into a room and asking whether anyone noticed your entrance probably doesn’t. I would let someone else do the counting.
It’s giving
“It reminds me of” or “this has the feel of.” What follows can be complimentary or otherwise.
“It’s giving country club” could describe a very nice sweater. It could also describe a room where someone has asked who your father is. You will have to listen to the tone.
Ate
Did something exceptionally well. This can be an outfit, a presentation, or a performance. “Left no crumbs” makes the praise stronger.
“She ate in that dress.” A lovely comment to leave on a friend’s photograph. There is no need to add where you found the same dress for less.
Mid
Ordinary or disappointing, especially after considerable praise.
“The apartment was mid.” It photographed beautifully, but the second bedroom barely held a bed. I liked the smaller place on the better block.
02Personal arrangements
Rizz
Romantic charm: the ability to make someone interested in you.
“He has rizz.” He remembered what you said, asked a good question, and somehow made an hour disappear. Mentioning the square footage of his apartment is information. Whether it works as charm depends on the audience.
The ick
A sudden loss of attraction, sometimes over something quite small.
“He gave me the ick when he called the waiter ‘chief.’” You needn’t find a more substantial explanation for not wanting another date. You should still cancel politely.
Soft launch / hard launch
A soft launch hints at a relationship online without fully revealing the person. A hard launch makes it explicit.
Two drinks and a man’s sleeve: soft launch. His face, his name, and a photograph together: hard launch. If his watch is identifiable before he is, expect questions from the girls.
Situationship
A romantic or sexual relationship without a clear agreement about what it is or where it’s going.
“We’re in a situationship.” You see each other regularly, but nobody has settled the details. If you want a relationship, ask. Being familiar with his doorman does not establish exclusivity.
03The rest of the afternoon
Lowkey
A way to soften an admission: somewhat, quietly, or without making a great fuss about it.
“I lowkey want to go back to Lori’s.” This is perfectly clear. If you’ve already called to have the shoes held, you may leave out “lowkey.”
Delulu
Playfully, believing what you want to believe despite the available evidence.
“Am I delulu for thinking we can walk into Armitage Alehouse at seven?” Possibly. I would still put on the good coat, but I would also make another plan.
Rage bait
Something posted deliberately to make people angry enough to react.
A stranger announces that women who customize their Starbucks orders are impossible to date. You begin explaining why nonfat milk and extra sweet cream serve different purposes. Before posting, consider whether he was genuinely seeking clarification.
A small request
Use the expressions you like. You don’t have to fit all of them into one conversation, and you certainly don’t have to practice on the hostess. If somebody says you look lovely, “thank you” remains quite sufficient.