LINCOLN PARK, CHICAGO — The Society has learned that four retail spaces at the Tribune Tower have been leased, or nearly leased. One is said to be a popular international bubble tea chain. The Society is concerned, primarily about the lines.
The Society welcomes investment in the Magnificent Mile, a stretch it considers spiritually adjacent to the village despite the cab ride. New tenants in a historic tower are a fine thing, the Society supports commerce, and prefers the expensive kind.
It is the bubble tea that gives the Society pause. Not the beverage itself. The Society has no firm position on bubble tea because it has never been entirely clear on what it is. Several Members believe it is a soup. One maintains it is a Scandinavian thing, like a sauna but with tapioca. The Committee has chosen not to settle the question, on the grounds that settling it might require trying it.
On the Vendor in Question
The Society has attempted to determine which international chain is moving in, and has, characteristically, gotten it wrong several times. The Office of Global Expansion was consulted and reported, with confidence, that the vendor is "the famous one from the airport in either Singapore or Toronto, possibly both." A second Member insists it is the brand "with the cartoon cow," which the Office notes describes most of them. A third believes it is not bubble tea at all but a high-end milk concern — "milk, but the kind you wait for" — and has been quietly excited about this for days. The Society has elected to publish all three accounts, as it cannot choose between them.
The Real Concern: The Lines
Whatever the vendor turns out to be, the reports agree on one alarming detail: the lines. They are said to run the length of the block. The Society wishes to be taken seriously here. A block-long line is not a queue. It is a public safety event.
The Committee is chiefly concerned about reaching the neighboring shops while a queue is forming. It has requested that entrances remain clear and would also like to know whether Members may collect an order without joining the line.
Several Members have offered to inspect the arrangements once the shop opens. One has already asked whether the menu includes coffee.
The Society's Recommendation
The Society proposes a clearly marked queue and an order-ahead collection point. It has also suggested a discreet side entrance for Members, though nobody has asked the Society to design the premises.
The Society will continue to monitor the situation, from a safe distance, with a beverage of its own choosing that it understands completely.
— Issued by the Office of the Executive Director. The Committee has reviewed this statement and remains unsure what bubble tea is, but stands by the warning.