Press
Releases
Monday, March 11
– (Lincoln Park, Illinois) The Lincoln Park Trixie Society, Chicago’s premiere organization of progressive, on-the-move women and men living in Lincoln Park, has announced its endorsements of two pro-Trixie candidates poised to make a positive impact on the daily lives of Trixies and TrixieMales throughout Lincoln Park.
Lt. Governor Corinne Wood for Illinois Governor
The Society believes that Ms. Wood cares about Trixies, evidenced by her campaign’s first outreach to the Society last November, through spokeswoman Tressa Pankovitz. No other candidate can claim to empathize with the issues and problems facing Trixies (especially not Jim Ryan, the GOP’s latest fanatical conservative political animal). Even though Ms. Wood has chosen to reside on the North Shore instead of Lincoln Park, she graduated Phi Beta Kappa from the University of Illinois, a major Trixie incubator. We believe her experience at the U of I has instilled her with an instinctive ability to address the unique issues faced by our community in the 21st Century.
Perhaps the most challenging issue the Society faced before choosing to endorse Ms. Wood was her infamous campaign against the Abercrombie & Fitch chain of clothing stores. Although the A&F brand is an important icon for many Society members (especially young pre-T.I.T. Trixies who are just out of college), the Society believes that Ms. Wood’s attacks may prove to be a blessing in disguise, a catalyst to help young Trixies move up to brands such as Ann Taylor and Fitigues. In turn, these young Trixies, who would otherwise be scantily clad in Abercrombie gear, will be better attired to handle important social functions at a much earlier age in their social development. In the spirit of Gov. Ryan’s Illinois FIRST public works program, we would encourage Gov. Wood to propose a “Spade FIRST” program to help all Trixies dress for success.
Ms. Wood’s views on a woman’s right to choose are also critically important to Society members. The Society believes that the power to control one’s reproductive rights is nearly as important as the ability to choose what kind of car she drives, or which national chain store one buys her home furnishings and decor. Ms. Wood’s views on this issue will certainly offer a significant advantage to Village residents by spawning a wider variety of precious boutiques, mega-chain stores and hip new cutting-edge restaurants to choose from. An example of this movement is the exciting new Home Dept EXPO store slated to open in the old Homemakers store behind Uncle Julio’s later this year. As Governor, we hope that Ms. Wood liberalizes state restrictions on TIF districts and empowerment zones, to provide much needed infrastructure funding for more urban retail districts. With Ms. Wood in Springfield, we can finally dream of the day IKEA finally opens their first Chicago store—yielding significant reductions in traffic snarls and
environmental pollution caused by daily trixie excursions to the Schaumburg store.
Furthermore, Ms. Wood’s challenge to “live within your means” will inevitably require Trixies to increase their means, therebye bolstering the economy of the Clybourn Corridor. Additionally, Ms. Wood supports the O’Hare expansion plan. The expansion will directly benefit the thousands of Trixies who routinely
travel on consulting assignments, by providing enhanced Red Carpet Clubs and additional Starbucks locations throughout the expanded terminals. Despite the anticipated implosion of Arthur Andersen, Trixie and TrixieMale business travel is projected to grow at double-digit rates through the year 2020. Transportation for Trixies will be a priority for Ms. Wood’s administration.
Ms. Wood is right for Trixies and the right choice for Illinois.
Lisa Madigan for Attorney General
One look at Lisa and you know she is a young Trixie at heart. Like so many of us, Lisa’s Irish ancestry and roots help her connect with many of the issues we hold dear.
Much of the liberal media has criticized Lisa for depending exclusively on her dad, House Speaker Michael Madigan, for her support and campaign funding. Lisa may very well be a Daddy’s girl, a puppet for the state’s most powerful Democratic leader, but the LPTS sees nothing wrong with acknowledging the critical role that patronage and networking plays, both in the political and corporate worlds. Few Trixies or TrixieMales fail to take advantage of their parent’s connections to gain admittance to top undergraduate and graduate schools, nor to procure prestigious internships and positions at law firms, elite strategy consulting firms, and bulge bracket investment banks. Although Lisa may be young and inexperienced for a position as important as the attorney general, we’re sure that she can relate to many of the issues that face young 20 and 30-something Trixies.
There’s no question that Lisa’s opponent, John Schmidt, is infinitely more qualified for the job. As one of the nation’s top Justice Department officials during the Clinton era, he’s the most qualified candidate for attorney general in almost 20 years. But the Trixie Society is confident that Lisa’s inexperience might turn out to be a hidden blessing in disguise, as she will not be overly biased towards existing precedents and public policies that she knows little about. Lisa may be easily swayed to support new laws that enhance the daily lives of Society members. For example, Lisa’s Irish background could predispose her support of legislation excluding Irish pubs from overly restrictive liquor licensing and zoning laws. Pubs such as Irish Eyes and Kelsey’s could remain open for extended hours every night of the week, and beer gardens would no longer be subject to over-regulation.
Lisa could also be counted on to tackle the monopolistic stranglehold that Chicago Blackhawks’ owner Bill Wirtz maintains over liquor distribution throughout Illinois. Breaking Wirtz’s iron grip might result in lower beer and liquor prices for all Illinois citizens, as well as paving the way for new ownership for our once-proud NHL franchise.
Finally, Lisa Madigan has the guts and desire to save one of Illinois’ most venerable and precious icons–Fighting Illini mascot Chief Illiniwek. Many Trixie Illini grads treasure the Chief as a sweet and nostalgic memory of their college frat and sorority days, and disdain the oppressive politically-correct environment that threatens to silence the only remaining source of Illini athletic pride. We can count on Lisa to finally end this circus and fight for a permanent injunction to preserve Chief Illiniwek’s employment and his freedom to pow wow for future generations of Illinois Trixies.
It’s time for a new kind of Attorney General. Trixies should look beyond qualifications, maturity and experience and choose an attorney general who will mold the law to enhance the freedoms and liberties of Trixies and TrixieMales everywhere.
On Saturday, March 16th raise your glass of Guinness and toast St. Patrick. On Election Day, raise another glass of Guinness and vote for Lisa Madigan.
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